This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.
| 2 Corinthians 9:12 |

What I am and what I give to Him doesn't just affect me. Yes its true that when I give all I have in service to Him, it comes back to me. And it gives glory to God. I don't know about what other people think, but I feel that God's idea of quality of service isn't the same as the one that we have. God's idea isn't based on the quality of the outcome. Its based on the quality of the heart. We keep forgetting that the quality of the outcome is handled by God.
In other words, I am putting too much effort in the wrong channel.

You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.
| 2 Corinthians 9:11 |

We've got to learn to give before we can be rich. Why do we hoard our money, talents and time if its meant to be given away anyway? This isn't easy for me to choose this path. Not with all the ridicule around the corner. Not when people will take you for some bum... Not easy at all.
But I will be rich.

I'm kinda tired now. Only slept 3 hours last night after waiting for Elissa and walking her home from her first day at work. Jeremy & Xiong left at around 12am. I reached home only at 3am. Elissa and I talked last night and it seems that things aren't going to work out. Whether its just for now or forever, by choice or by circumstance, I don't know. I was so frustrated last night but I've got no reason to complain. This whole thing was self-inflicted anyway.
There are probably a lot of people who don't have a very good impression of me because of our history. I didn't do some things very admirably and I got some bad rep... And being the non-confrontationalist, I laid low, remainded quiet and probably compounded my troubles.

Part of me knows this is the right thing to do. But the other half of me is screaming...